Article ★ C.L. Wages ★ @soundslikecl ★ 4 Minutes
What happens when the illusion of a band wears off? What happens when the rose colored glasses of adoration fall off and the people we’ve idolized and “fallen in love” with, start changing?
Fandom spaces tend to have some fairly blinding rose colored glasses. When people fall in love with a band, they become connected to who they present themselves as, whether it be on stage, in interviews, or even on social media. These artists are creating perfectly crafted and edited versions of themselves for fans to consume. With no way to know if this crafted personality is who they truly are or are not, fans fall in love with someone that doesn’t exist. They take these personalities at face value and oftentimes forget that these personalities are not the whole picture.
What happens when fans get a glimpse of the whole picture? A lot of times, in fandom spaces, it’s rejected completely, at least from what I’ve seen. The age of social media has allowed fans a certain degree of unavoidable parasocialism, and when that image is broken in fans mind, it can be hard to grasp. There are many different things and circumstances that can break the illusion for fans, anything from serious allegations such as resurfacing racist posts and abuse of power, to things that are just unsavory like being rude to waitstaff and/or poor habits like spitting on sidewalks or littering.
Going into the rest of the article, I am going to implement a broad trigger warning for topics of domestic abuse, abuse of power, and things surrounding that. I want to make it extremely clear that any accusations of abuse should be taken seriously, and should not be downplayed in the face of the victim's character. No matter who is alleging the abuse, it is important to listen to them and take them seriously.
When an artist is accused of abuse, it can split a fandom completely down the middle, and send fans into a crisis of morality (I’m speaking from personal experience). Some fans completely reject the idea. They claim that the accused couldn’t possibly do that, that they know their character and there is no way that they could commit such a heinous act. They begin to turn on the accuser and call them a liar, someone who is looking for fame, or attention. Despite what any one wants to claim or believe about themselves, immediately rushing to defend their favorite artist in light of these types of allegations is contributing to unhealthy parasocialism. As fans, we do not, and we will never truly know these people. To immediately jump to their defence comes from this unhealthy parasocialism. Instead of the allegations making fans step back and re-evaluate their thoughts on who they’ve been supporting, these fans go the opposite way.
For others, these allegations are cause for grief and heartache. In this case, it also comes back to parasocialism, because how could this person do such a thing? These fans are grieving the person they thought they knew, they’re grieving the loss of their favorite band that had been presenting themselves one way, just for that illusion to suddenly crack and break.
For some, it becomes a question of morality. These fans want to take the accusation seriously, but that comes at the cost of grappling with the fact that some they had looked up to is capable of being a horrible person. Suddenly, the thing they loved has been ripped from their hands and becomes something of a chore. Every time their music comes on on shuffle it's a question of, do I let it play? Do I go to the show? Do I keep supporting them until I know for sure what happened?
When the accused chooses to stay silent on the matter, people start to form their own beliefs as to what “really happened.” Maybe the accuser is crazy, because “there’s no way my fave could possibly do this.” Maybe the person who was once idolized is a dangerous person, and anyone who they associate with is also dangerous.
When it’s all said and done, when someone is accused of something as serious as domestic abuse, it’s probably best to take a step back and evaluate for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with taking a pause on supporting an artist to gather all the information. I think it’s important to self-reflect and ask yourself, “Do I really believe that this person is not capable of doing what they were accused of, or am I just wearing rose colored glasses that prevent me from seeing everything they don’t want me to see?”
Ultimately, I’m not here to tell you what to think. My main goal of this article was to explore the different responses to the illusion of a person breaking in light of abuse allegations. Nothing is ever black and white, there will always be nuances. It’s important to remember that as fans, we are never allowed to see the nuances of our favorite creators. Everything we see is purposeful, curated and perfect, that’s why it’s important to keep your idols at an arms length, so if and when something does come to light, you’re still able to differentiate between what’s blind support and what’s a healthy consideration of a situation. To finish out this article, I’ll leave you with this thought: I’d rather be wrong than blindly support a potential abuser.
If you think you or someone you know might be a victim of domestic abuse, please reach out to someone. There are many free resources available to help.
National Abuse Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233 or Text BEGIN to 88788
There may also be resources available to you locally.
